Recovery Dharma Raleigh

Conditioned by contact, feeling arises.

Conditioned by feeling, craving arises.

Conditioned by craving, grasping arises.

Conditioned by grasping, becoming arises.

This cycle can apply to all of our struggles in recovery and with unwise actions in general. We are constantly surrounded by the media and people who glorify our problem substances. It’s part of our culture, language, and sometimes an expected part of spending time with each other. We are bombarded by the things that harm us.

This would cause some to maybe feel separated from others or society and make us want to be more connected. We start craving this thing, believing it might bring us happiness or ease. 

We start to maybe think we can handle it a little. Moderation is easy for others, so why not me? These mental barriers have begun to break down and allowed us to slide away from the person we want to be. 

During my recent time in therapy I have worked towards understanding what led to the relapse I had in the beginning of November. I’ve discovered that unresolved stress is a major factor in starting my relapse cycle. I would ignore these feelings and my comfort. In pushing through this instead of releasing the pressure, I started down the old familiar path I’ve walked down for years. I slowly slid to the quick fix that has not really worked for me in the past. 

What kind of things do you do when you start craving? I can think many things now after the fact, but it would have served me well during that time. I had my sangha I could call. AA has meetings almost all the time in person, and all the time online I could have attended. If I felt I couldn’t hold out, I could have gone to a treatment center to the detox unit for recovery sustainment. We don’t have to fight this alone.

We can probably not make these cravings we have disappear totally, but we have support when they happen. We just have to be willing to use it. 

For now, I am practicing mindfulness of my feelings and state of mind. I can ask myself questions such as: What am I avoiding? What is causing me stress right now? What can I do about it? What am I grasping for that is causing me suffering?

I believe these questions can start a journey to understanding our inner landscapes.