Initial Fears:
Taking the first step in recovery was difficult. All I had was the prospect of losing the one horrible coping tool I had developed. I was considering getting rid of the only thing I knew that would make my problems lessen for a little while. In reality, alcohol and drugs were making every aspect of my life harder than it needed to be. Before I entered an IOP, I had thoughts like: “What am I going to do?”. I had no imagination of a life without substances. How would I pass the time? What would I do when things got hard, or I felt overwhelmed? How would I deal with anxiety? When I tried to imagine my future, it was just a dark void.
Open-mindedness:
One of the important things that worked for me was to open myself up to new ways of doing things, new strategies for thinking, something different than what I had been doing before. What I was doing before was killing me and the relationships around me.
I spent zero time in self-reflection. There was no gap between stimulus and response. I had no tools to deal with all of the problems I encountered. Slowly, I discovered techniques like meditation and ways of speaking to myself that were far healthier than what I was doing previously.
I placed meditation in the same category as dousing for water or homeopathic remedies. Once I started practicing, it became obvious to me how I never spent much time in the present. I never reflected on the feelings I was having. I wallowed in past mistakes and rehashed negative experiences over and over.
Today, it’s getting better. I can comfortably sit with myself. I have more patience with people and situations that pop up. I can let go of things that bother me much more easily. I’ve been transitioning to thinking of solutions or wondering about causes of my initial reactions instead of lamenting on what happened.
Dealing with change:
The realization of the transitive nature of everything has made me more patient with a lot more things than before. I think about the saying “This too, shall end” and how it can apply to both good and bad situations. This has led me to enjoy the good things and appreciate them, and weather the bad with the knowledge that it’s temporary. Change doesn’t have to be bad, it just is.
Coping strategies:
Developing good coping strategies was important. I take time to think about a situation before I act. I try to put myself in another person’s place when I’m speaking to them, which is something I’ve always had a problem with. Setting boundaries with people and situations is important to my mental health. I no longer burn myself out helping other people or working late in order to produce more for the billionaire that owns my company.
What was something that was hard to wrap your mind around when you first entered recovery?
How have you dealt with change?
What are some healthy boundaries you’ve developed?
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